... and I am trying to move forward.

I have been thinking about the twelve steps program the past while and I am not sure how I feel about it at the moment. Mostly because I am not sure how much God intervenes in people's lives, and if I need God to overcome my problems. On the other hand, I have been struggling with this for almost a decade and things have only gotten worse. If I do go back to the program, I should go back and redo a few steps, like step 2, as I don't have a lot of hope or faith right now.

But, if I do more forward, and I do try to finish step 5 by talking to my/a bishop I have a few choices. I am uncomfortable telling my Bishop everything about what I am dealing with. He is a close family friend, so it is more difficult than telling a stranger, or someone who I won't have to see in other contexts outside of church. I see my current bishop outside of church quite frequently. I am not sure I want him to be one of the people I trust with this, or to risk him changing how he thinks about me for the rest of his life.

So I need to either a) let go of my fear, and just lay it out on the table, and let things fall where they will.

b) Move out, and go somewhere where I won't know the bishop, until I have put all this behind me.

c) Wait. Wait until My bishop is released in two and half years, and talk to whoever replaces him.

I am not too enamored of any of these options but I guess I need to pick one if I am going to keep going through the steps.