and this needs to stop!

So another gay teen has commit suicide.

Gay teens are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers, and almost one third of completed suicides are related to issues of sexual identity. And those are just a couple of the troubling statistics you can read if you click the above link. And this needs to stop.

Every time this happens we all have the obligatory moment of silence, and say how awful this problem is, and then we go back to our lives. But this will never change unless we start holding people accountable. And by that I mean a couple of things.

First, every time this happens we need to challenge all the people who were involved in telling these kids and young adults that they are not important, or not worthy to live. I'm not saying every bully should be charged with hate crimes, but people need to be made to feel responsible for the consequences of their actions.

However, kids will be kids, and are only a symptom of a more subtle problem. So, Second, we all need to admit our own part in repeating this cycle of abuse. It is easy to point at the religious leaders, and fundamentalist Christians and say that they are responsible for this. And that isn't wrong. Every time one of them says that tolerating homosexuality is damaging to families or the fabric of society it gives students consent to bully LGBT youth by setting them up as "the bad guy".

But we need to recognize that we also give our consent when we choose to stay silent.

That is true for straight people and us queer people. Every time we hear someone make a homophobic comment and we let it slide, we contribute to the problem. Every time we hear someone use the word gay as a synonym for stupid without calling them out on it we contribute. By choosing to stay silent as if our orientation is some sick secret we should be ashamed of, we contribute. It is for that reason that I applaud those who get involved with groups like the It Gets Better project.

I found out today that more people are realizing that I am gay than I thought. I have heard of a few people who have heard rumours about me, and contacted family or friends to find out if it is true, including my old bishop. No one has contacted me though, perhaps they think they are being sensitive by not asking me, but it actually ticks me off.

When I found out about the rumours I was upset. Mostly because I know the people whispering about me are attaching all sorts of negative connotations to the news, and that ticks me off. But I have decided to let that go. I won't behave as if this is something I should be ashamed of. Because it isn't. And letting other people see me squirm around the issue only validates their bigoted opinions.

And while it can be painful for us to stand tall, and be out and proud, if doing so, if being one more positive role model can help prevent even one teen struggling with their sexual identity from killing themself, then any pain of coming out publicly will be worth it.

Maybe I will make an "It Gets Better" video.

PS. I got tumblr. You can find me here.

Your God sure is fickle.

Lots of my readers are in the states, so I will start this post with a bit of context. One of the biggest news stories in Canada this past week was about a little boy, Kienan, who went missing, presumably kidnapped, and was found a few days later. Here is a link if you are interested in reading more.

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStoriesV2/20110912/kienan-hebert-hopley-sought-111209/

When Kienan was found, my facebook was swamped with messages about how God and prayer saved this boy. How thankful to God they are the boy is okay. And how the whole experience has reaffirmed their faith.

And while I said nothing on facebook, as I don't want to offend any of my friends and family, I feel the need to say that God is not responsible.

So many people sat by and watched the news, praying for a good outcome. Others got involved. Media worked together to spread a message to the kidnapper, begging him to return this boy. And he did. But to give the credit to God ignores those who actually worked and are responsible for his return, and allows those who just prayed to pat themselves on the back for "helping", helping convince God to save this boy.

But what about all the other kids that go missing and are never found. Does God love them less? Did they not have enough people praying? Or were they not praying faithfully enough?

Of course not. Every family prays for the return of their child, so why does "God" answer some prayers but not others? The only answer that makes sense to me, is that God doesn't answer any. So when kids are returned, it may still be a miracle, but it is a miracle of hard work, good luck, and in this case, the remorse of the kidnapper.

So quit feeling proud that your prayers helped save this boy. Because prayer had nothing to do with it.