Combating Ignorance.

I have had a few interesting (read painful) conversations the past couple of weeks, that I would like to share.

The first is with a few people who I would have called some of my best friends, until I saw the way they reacted to my coming out, and leaving the church. They truly believe that I am morally wrong for choosing to be open, and deciding to act on my innate nature, and choosing to be gay. See I might not choose my feelings, but by choosing to act on them I am choosing to be gay. and I suppose that maybe there is some truth in that. I am choosing to identify and live my life as a gay man. Do you know why? It is because the years I spent trying to be a straight man were some of the worst of my life. But affirming, and choosing this new identity has made me at peace with myself, which is worth any conflict I have to deal with outside of myself.

But one of my friends truly believes that I wasn't always this way. He told me that I was interested in girls before he was. That I seemed to want to date girls, and then I went to school and took all those gender classes and decided to be gay.

I tried to explain to him, that I have never been sexually attracted to a woman, or felt the way about a girl that he probably has. But I did have a few close female friends and that I recognized that when a guy and a girl became that close they were supposed to start dating. I thought that I must be feeling what other people call attraction and romance. It was only when I gained the vocabulary to realize and understand the feelings I had for certain guys, that I realized that whatever I had felt for any female would never match the things I feel for certain guys. And I made that realization in the middle of junior high, and then spent the next 6 years fighting against it. Believing that 'Gay' could just be an adjective to describe certain thoughts and actions, and not a noun to describe me.

I guess my friend is right in a way. My gender classes and other sociology classes did have a profound impact on me, but they didn't make me gay. Rather, they helped make me comfortable with a part of myself that I had always reviled. They gave me the courage I needed to CHOOSE to come out. and to CHOOSE to be honest with myself about what I want. I guess he can keep arguing that it is a choice, but this choice has made my life worth living, instead of something to merely be endured.

The next conversation was over facebook, with a girl who came to my gospel essentials class when I taught it. And she seemed to think that I had a much stronger testimony and belief than I actually did at the time she knew me. But I guess that isn't her fault, as the lesson plans I was given mandated me to bear my testimony about things I wasn't sure I believed. But I did it, hoping that it was true that a 'testimony is to be found in the bearing of it'. But it wasn't. At least not for me. And that is one of the reasons I started separating myself from church. It was ok to go and slide under the radar, but to have to go and lie every week about the things I believed was too painful. When they changed the ward mission leader though I just stopped teaching, and they replaced me, so that ended up being okay.

But here is our conversation:

Church ‘friend’: so i herd you thought it would be fun to deny the church and claim to me an athiest?

be

Me: I don't believe I have ever belittled your beliefs, so do me a favour and don't belittle mine.

Church ‘friend’: ummm if your athiest dosnt that kinda mean you dont have any

Me: If you think that you are grossly misinformed. I believe in lot's of things. I believe all human beings should have the same rights, and that one of those rights is to marry whoever they want. I believe that it is wrong to deny civil liberties to any person just because you believe them to be evil. I believe that even when God says slavery and genocide are okay, it is still wrong.

I just don't believe in god.

Church ‘friend’: sorry i just thought it was sad that someone that knows the truth of the gospel would just walk away from it. sorry to bother you.

you have your agency do with it what you will. bye

Me: What truth did I know? For the record, the years I spent in the church were the most miserable of my life. And as I have watched my mormon friends walk away from me, or try to save me because I think differently than them, I have to ask if they were ever really my friends. My other friends accept the new me, who is more honest, more fulfilled, and more positive.

But thank you for your close minded bigotry.

Church ‘friend’: really Allen*?

Me: really what? I'm not sure part what you are unsure of, but yes.

Church ‘friend’: then be accepted by the world.

Me: Maybe the world will accept me, and maybe it won't. But what is important is that I can finally accept myself.

Church ‘friend’: i kinda just wanted to hear it for my self. i almost didnt belive you gave it up.

and for the record just because you walked away from the church dosnt mean i have somthing against you. i just thouhgt it was sad. i respect everyone and their choices.

Me: Go back and read your first comment again, and then tell me you are being respectful of my choices. You didn't ask me what happened to make me change my mind, you accused me of "claiming" to be an atheist because it would be fun.

Church ‘friend’: my dad chose not to be a member of the church for 16 of my 20 year i was. and my brother who was raised in the church now wears a cross. and fyi fun is a word i use often.

but iv never understood why people do it

anyways work calls gotta jet

I don't think I need to say anything else about that conversation. It speaks for itself.

The final one was with my parents. It has been interesting to watch them process all of the new information I am feeding them, and encouraging them to see. I showed my Mom this video last week, that I had posted on my tumblr, and after watching it she was nearly crying.

While she still believes in the church, and in certain things the church has said, she also recognizes that so much of what has been said came from a place of fear and othering, and not from a place of acceptance or even understanding. She had a gay uncle who killed himself, which I think makes her quicker to see things outside of the approved church view.

My Dad on the other hand is not so quick to come around. He is trying really hard to correlate me with his beliefs but I can see it is a struggle for him. He was trying to tell me why a new word, and a new institution should be good enough for gay people, so we don't have to redefine marriage. I told him that is wrong, and sets us up as second class citizens. We have already redefined so many words, like family, and parent, so why not marriage as well. I told him that the holocaust didn't start with killing jews and homos, that first they identified them, and made them wear stars and pink triangles, so people would start to see them as Jews and gays first, and as people second, and that a different kind of marriage would accomplish the same thing.

I told him that my marriage (if I ever choose to get married) would be just like his, and that the only thing that is different is the genitalia of my partner.

He tried to argue about the declining morals of society, so I explained to him that he didn't get to call himself a moral agent, because the only moral he believes in is obedience. He can condone all the killing, and child sacrifice, and genocide in the bible, because god commanded it. And if God commanded it again, he would hear and obey. My morality on the other hand comes from a place of reasoning, and deciding what is right and wrong.

He said that IF i could live that way that way, he would be proud of me. I asked why he phrased that in a way that seemed to assume I can't, and he didn't have an answer.

The conversation ended with him withdrawing to his room when he could see that not only did neither me or my mother value his opinion, but that it was offensive. I felt bad that I had to be so harsh with him, but on the other hand I do feel a need to show him why the things he believes about me, and what rights I should be allowed to have are wrong and offensive.

Anyways that is all. This post is already much longer than I intended it to be, but, despite the ignorance from so many around me, it is nice to see my parents taking in new information, and becoming more accepting. They still get defensive, even my Mom, about certain things, like when I mentioned I was considering talking to my nephews and neices at some point, because I didn't want the church to be their only source of information, so that they could believe I am bad, but still a huge amount of progress from my parents. Something I am very thankful for.

I wouldn't vote for him...

First, it has been a while since I have posted. Between school, and work I'm a little busy, but it is what it is.

I'm going to stray a little bit from the kind of stuff I usually talk about on here, but I will tie it all in at the end. Promise.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908//vp/44983707#44983707

So that link is to a video about Mitt Romney, and his goal of labeling conception as the start of life. This would make abortion illegal, but also many forms of birth control. It is a great video and I encourage you to watch it, or at least the first half.

And while this doesn't directly affect my life ,as I am neither a woman, nor a man likely to impregnate one, (also i live in Canada, but American politics are so much more interesting) it does show what kind of attitudes and views Romney will take. As much as he claims he can separate his religious beliefs from his duty as president, stuff like this makes it look like maybe he can't.

If this is the hard line stance he takes on abortion, I can't imagine he is going to be helpful or encouraging to LGBT people looking to get fair and equal treatment by the government.

and this needs to stop!

So another gay teen has commit suicide.

Gay teens are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers, and almost one third of completed suicides are related to issues of sexual identity. And those are just a couple of the troubling statistics you can read if you click the above link. And this needs to stop.

Every time this happens we all have the obligatory moment of silence, and say how awful this problem is, and then we go back to our lives. But this will never change unless we start holding people accountable. And by that I mean a couple of things.

First, every time this happens we need to challenge all the people who were involved in telling these kids and young adults that they are not important, or not worthy to live. I'm not saying every bully should be charged with hate crimes, but people need to be made to feel responsible for the consequences of their actions.

However, kids will be kids, and are only a symptom of a more subtle problem. So, Second, we all need to admit our own part in repeating this cycle of abuse. It is easy to point at the religious leaders, and fundamentalist Christians and say that they are responsible for this. And that isn't wrong. Every time one of them says that tolerating homosexuality is damaging to families or the fabric of society it gives students consent to bully LGBT youth by setting them up as "the bad guy".

But we need to recognize that we also give our consent when we choose to stay silent.

That is true for straight people and us queer people. Every time we hear someone make a homophobic comment and we let it slide, we contribute to the problem. Every time we hear someone use the word gay as a synonym for stupid without calling them out on it we contribute. By choosing to stay silent as if our orientation is some sick secret we should be ashamed of, we contribute. It is for that reason that I applaud those who get involved with groups like the It Gets Better project.

I found out today that more people are realizing that I am gay than I thought. I have heard of a few people who have heard rumours about me, and contacted family or friends to find out if it is true, including my old bishop. No one has contacted me though, perhaps they think they are being sensitive by not asking me, but it actually ticks me off.

When I found out about the rumours I was upset. Mostly because I know the people whispering about me are attaching all sorts of negative connotations to the news, and that ticks me off. But I have decided to let that go. I won't behave as if this is something I should be ashamed of. Because it isn't. And letting other people see me squirm around the issue only validates their bigoted opinions.

And while it can be painful for us to stand tall, and be out and proud, if doing so, if being one more positive role model can help prevent even one teen struggling with their sexual identity from killing themself, then any pain of coming out publicly will be worth it.

Maybe I will make an "It Gets Better" video.

PS. I got tumblr. You can find me here.

Your God sure is fickle.

Lots of my readers are in the states, so I will start this post with a bit of context. One of the biggest news stories in Canada this past week was about a little boy, Kienan, who went missing, presumably kidnapped, and was found a few days later. Here is a link if you are interested in reading more.

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStoriesV2/20110912/kienan-hebert-hopley-sought-111209/

When Kienan was found, my facebook was swamped with messages about how God and prayer saved this boy. How thankful to God they are the boy is okay. And how the whole experience has reaffirmed their faith.

And while I said nothing on facebook, as I don't want to offend any of my friends and family, I feel the need to say that God is not responsible.

So many people sat by and watched the news, praying for a good outcome. Others got involved. Media worked together to spread a message to the kidnapper, begging him to return this boy. And he did. But to give the credit to God ignores those who actually worked and are responsible for his return, and allows those who just prayed to pat themselves on the back for "helping", helping convince God to save this boy.

But what about all the other kids that go missing and are never found. Does God love them less? Did they not have enough people praying? Or were they not praying faithfully enough?

Of course not. Every family prays for the return of their child, so why does "God" answer some prayers but not others? The only answer that makes sense to me, is that God doesn't answer any. So when kids are returned, it may still be a miracle, but it is a miracle of hard work, good luck, and in this case, the remorse of the kidnapper.

So quit feeling proud that your prayers helped save this boy. Because prayer had nothing to do with it.

and I'm surrounded by bigots.

When I planned this post it was going to be one in which I listed some of the ignorant things my parents have said, but while being thankful that at least they are trying to be understanding.

The events of this morning however have changed my mood, and that is probably going to come out in this post.

In the past I could see my parents try to see the world as I do, while struggling with their own belief systems. The simple fact is that my mere existence is contrary to their world view, where everyone gets married to someone of the opposite gender, and then goes on to live in a hetero normative, patriarchal, white-supremacist heaven.

My mom told one of my sisters, (the youngest one, who is living with her boyfriend. This is the one who is least loyal to my parents beliefs, and sees the world more like I do, so it was a bad decision on my Mom's part) that she hoped that one day I would settle down with some female friend of my mine, and we could adopt kids together. We wouldn't get married or have kids, just form so sort new agey alternative family unit. Except the reason that she wants this for me is because the idea of me marrying a gay man, and having gay sex and raising some sort of gay family is very upsetting to her. So somehow this other option is better. Despite the fact that in order for it to work I have to find a friend who would rather be my asexual roommate, than find a family of her own. My sister wasn't supposed to tell me what my mom said, but of course she did. :)

I was talking with my Dad a while back, I can't remember about exactly what, but it had something to do with minorities, and rights, and eventually I said something like, well being gay I have learned what it is like to a be a minority, so I am on their side, or something. And he said, "Well I hope you don't always see the world through a gay lense." And he couldn't see the problem with what he said. I tried to explain. "Dad, would ever tell a black woman to stop seeing the world through a black lense, or a female lense?"

His reply, "Of course. We should all just see the world the same. So we are equal."

While the sentiment behind that was nice, what he really meant was that they should all see the world the way he does. Which is easy for him, because with the exception of being mormon, he has never had to be in a position of a minority. And being a mormon doesn't bar him from being treated like everyone else. I explained to him that being gay, there will always be people who will try to keep rights from me, and there will always be people who will keep me at arms length, for fear of catching 'the gay' or some reason as equally ridiculous.

He let it go, but I still don't think he got it. And now I'm not sure why I am trying, because this morning I realized he is one of those people.

His friend came over while he was out doing some errands. I told him about the letter I got published in my local newspaper. It was about crime, and stating that the criminal justice reforms that Canada's Prime Minister is pushing for are unnecessary as we are currently at a 40 year crime low. This got me and my dad's friend talking about politics. He is clearly more right wing than I am, and when my dad got home we were still discussing stuff. I kept things civil, even as he made ridiculous claims that he couldn't back up... but then the topic of marriage equality came up.

And my Dad's friend said he thought it was wrong that the state is pushing things on him to appease 3% percent of the population, a number he just made up. I asked him exactly what things had been pushed on him since gay marriage had become legal five years ago. He couldn't list any.

"But that isn't the point. The point is that most of the country doesn't want this."

Me: "Well the statistics says that most of the country supports this."

Dad's friend: "Well You can't believe statistics. They can say whatever they want.

Me: I agree there is some truth to that, but you have nothing but your own opinion. I at least have a federal opinion poll.

Dad' friend: But we can't be sure who is right.

Really? You think your opinion is as valid as a federally conducted study. You are a fool. But then my dad got involved, explaining what allowing gay marriage has done to him.

Dad: Well, it confuses my definition of marriage as a God sanctioned commitment between man and a women. Marriage has always been religious, since Adam and Eve.

I didn't mention that there is no account of a marriage ceremony in Genesis, just two of God's creations fucking like the rest of his animals to make babies. I did say, "That is a religious argument. An Athiest would say that humans have been pairing off since before man invented religion."

Dad: God gave it to Adam and Eve.

Me: That is a religious argument.

It boiled down to that my Dad, and his friend believed that Gay people could have a civil union, but not a marriage, because Marriage is religious. I asked my dad if it bothered him when Atheists got married. It didn't. As long as they were a man and a woman. Because God said man and woman. I didn't ask for a source, but the bible and all of our scriptures are pretty quiet on the subject, and what is there is open to interpretation. All we have is from the same group of men that told us that masturbation makes you gay, and that black people can neither have the priesthood, nor as a result, be sealed in the temple.

My dad was worried that the government would force religious groups to marry gay people. I had to explain that if a group wasn't taking government funds, or special tax breaks, the government can't force them to do anything. Besides which the right to practice your religion as you choose is protected by our constitution, as is my right to not be discriminated against based on my sexual orientation.

I pointed out that civil unions don't get the same right as a marriage, and they said that they would be fine if they did. I pointed it out it would be crazy for the government to have two different classifications that are exactly the same except that they have different names.

Dad: But they aren't the same.

Me: Then that is not equality.

Dad: God said what marriage is!

Me: God doesn't get a vote! Church and State are separate for a reason!

I had previously explained that marriage stopped being religious a long time ago. The only people involved are the two people getting married, and the government official signing the marriage license. Despite this they kept circling back to the same arguments. I got angry and was leaving, and said "What matters is that you get to marry whoever you want-"

Dad: Any woman!

Me: Which is all you want! And you don't think I should be allowed the same right.

Dad: You can marry any woman too.

And then I stormed off. Dad's friend didn't know I was gay, but after my last comment, and about how passionately I argued, I am sure he does now.

I am trying to patient with my parents, especially my dad. My mom for the most part is accepting, although I think she has some of the same opinions as my dad. She admits the church's treatment is wrong, and our place in the church should not be to stay invisible, but it is frustrating trying to be patient with them.

My dad's friend compared gay's getting married to the Man Boy Love Association. Like by stopping gay marriage they were preventing some sort of moral decline. In twenty years the world will probably accept them. I pointed out that 40 years ago we were fighting to approve interracial marriage, something the church was absolutely against. They said see, and that shows that the morals are changing.

They didn't get the fact that the morals seem to be changing for good, and they were trying to use the logical fallacy of a slippery slope argument to denigrate gay marriage. The whole thing pissed me off. And maybe my parents will come around. But I am not sure if they will. They are okay with me being gay, but they don't want to hear about me getting married, or actually you know, loving another man, because that is wrong. I can be gay as long as I don't act on it.

I guess all I can do is hope for the best, while preparing for the worst...

Also, for the record, I hate the term gay marriage. It only others it, making it sound different, when all we want is what everyone else already has, and gay marriage is exactly like straight marriage, except for who is doing it. I much prefer the term marriage equality. Much less connotative.

Anyways, I am done ranting now. My anger is diffused for the moment. Writing this blog is a good way to deal with my feelings. But while my hot anger is gone, it has been replaced by the dim buzz of the frustration of futility.

And this is why I can't go to church.

So I went to church last week. Sorta. Not to the full three hours. I'm not sure I could have done that. I was late so I sat in the hall for sacrament meeting. One of my friends, who I had recently come out to showed up, so I talked to him. Like me he does not believe in the church, and not really in God either, but he just got engaged to a true believing mormon girl, so he goes to keep her happy.

We talked about what coming out meant for me, how it explained some of questions and opinions I had. He told me he has always sorta guessed that I was.

When it was time for Sunday school we went outside to keep talking. I haven't gone to Sunday school for 6 months and I wasn't about to break that now. Sunday school I find especially hard to sit through. I hate hearing the naive answers to questions. I hate hearing that if we just read our scriptures and say our prayers how God will make sure everything works out for us. Because it just isn't true. A friend recently posted on her Tumblr account, referring to those who were praying for the riots in London to stop, "Don't pray, think." And I love that. I feel that when we prayer for a solution it makes us complacent. Now we can sit back and watch what God does. It is never the prayer-sayers who find solutions. They watch while the thinkers solve the problem.

My friend was able to convince me to come with him to Elders Quorum. So I did. And guess what the lesson was on...

Eternal marriage.

I sat in silence as the teacher explained that Adam and Eve was the first marriage, and that God created Adam, and then realized that it was not right for man to be alone, so he created Eve.

That idea is horribly offensive to me. First because it makes God look like an idiot, creating all the animals in pairs, and then not thinking to do it for man, until he realized how lonely he would be. And second it teaches that women were not put here for their own benefit for mans. A typical white straight male attitude. Never having to question that they are the most important person in their world. I should have said something out loud. Instead I just muttered my complaints to my friend.

The whole lesson only focused on why we need to get married, and why marriage is good for us. Despite the LGBTQ community gaining more visibility, even in the church, it was never even brought up what those who don't fit into the mormon mold are supposed to do. Now it is a YSA ward, and the teacher may not have been properly equipped to deal with those questions, but I am tired of being whitewashed into the background. There is no place at church for me. It is for people who fit the mold, and want what the church wants them to want. They don't want to even acknowledge my existence.

I whispered to my friend that he should raise his hand and say "Statistically speaking, there are probably three gay people in this room. What are they supposed to do with this lesson?" He told me who would if I wanted, but I told him no. I am still worried about people at church finding out. I don't want to be the person everyone is talking about. But in a month or so I think I will be totally out, and then when I am at church I can make statements like that. Except I can say "what am I supposed to do?" and watch the teachers stumble over what they know is the church sanctioned answer because they know how unpleasant it is, and they know who I am. It is easy to condemn an unknown other to a life of shame and loneliness, but to do it to someone you know, a friend, is very different.

I might go back next month. We will see. My ward is removing all the inactive members, and putting them in the family ward, so I might go just often enough to keep my records in the YSA ward. But I'm not sure if it is that important to me anymore. I do like watching members try ti reconcile me with their own beliefs though.

When I got home I talked to my Dad about the lesson. Turns out he taught it in his ward. My parents asked if I had gone to church. I nodded but didn't say anything. They didn't ask questions, probably because they knew this lesson would be distasteful to me. They probably wish I had gone to church a different week. I asked my Dad about it later.

I said that it bothered me because it didn't even acknowledge my existence, and that it didn't provide a path for me. And he said, "but you know what the church's path for you is. You just have to decide if you are willing to do that."

It made me a little sad to hear him say that, because underneath the words he said I could hear him say, "And I think the church the is right, so that is also the path I see for you."

My parents try to be supportive, and encouraging, but they still believe what they believe. And they believe that me choosing to embrace this is wrong. I keep having dreams where I explain to them I am going to get married, and I am not going to be celibate. Usually fighting ensues. I'm not sure what will happen when I actually introduce them to a boyfriend. It will definitely force them to analyze what they feel, instead of walking this line between supporting the church and supporting me.

Almost Out

It has been a few weeks since I have written anything here, but a lot has happened in those few weeks. Yesterday I came out to my last sister. I am now out to my entire immediate family. The reactions varied quite a bit.

My eldest sister, who has five kids, and whose husband is currently a bishop reacted in a manner that is probably typical of her position. My views on the church, and on what my path would be from here on out were not what she wants for me. She feels that I should stay in the church, and follow the church`s guidance. I maintain that I know that not everything the church says on the subject is good or true, and that without a personal witness, which I have never received, I am not willing to do what other people tell me God wants me to do. She isn't sure that I should adopt kids when I eventually get married, because there are things a man can't give a child, and that we will be lacking as parents. If i do that I need to make sure my kids get to know my sisters so that they can give them what I can't. I told her that it is that kind of thinking I need to protect my family from.

My next sister, who is also married, and has a couple kids, told me that she has guessed that I was gay since I was 14. She tried to be encouraging and supportive, but she still feels I should stay in the church. But she will be supportive of whatever life I choose. She told me that the rest of the family is always going to view me as a missionary project. She said that she won't, but that she will accept me as I am, and accept that my life makes me happy, but only on the condition that I don't try to damage her testimony by exposing her to 'Anti' ideas. I agreed to that, as it is fair to me, but said that doesn't mean I will be silent on the issue. If the family is having a religious conversation I won't stay silent for her sake. She said that that is fair.

My next sister, the one just older than me, who is married, but her husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, was surprised, even shocked, for just a moment, and immediately calmed down, and sorta said, well that makes sense. We talked about it for a while, and she told me that the more we discuss it, the more it makes her question things the church has said. She has never had to ask the right questions before, because she has no personal contact with any other out gay people. She doesn't have the same attachment to the church that the first two, so she was able to be more open. She even offered to potentially be a surrogate when I have kids, depending on what her life is like then. Not sure if that will ever happen or not, but for her to say that meant a lot.

My last sister, the youngest one, younger than I am, I already mentioned. She is living with her boyfriend, and is inactive, and she was excited for me. We didn't need to have a talk. She just said that she was excited for me. We have talked much more since then though. She has her own questions with the church, obviously, and so I tell her my views quite frequently.

Now these are summaries of two hour conversations, but while not everyone reacted exactly as I wanted, they all reacted much better than I expected, which is great. I also told them all that they could tell their husbands if they want, and so all my brothers in law know now too. It will be interesting to see what happens when we start telling the nieces and nephews. Most of my sisters already said that they should know, and that it shouldn't be a secret, but Sister Bishops Wife might be hesitant to go down that path. I'm not sure how she will react when I explain it to her kids. But I am not going to be silent for her, so that she can tell her kids why what I am choosing is bad. I will tell them why I think it is right.

I have told a few cousins, and most of my close friends now too. Everyone I have told so far, I have told to keep it quiet, because there are still people who I want to make sure here it from me, and not from someone else. But by the end of the summer I think I will be comfortable being totally out, and it won't be a secret at all any more. And that sure is exciting to me. Not all of my friends have been super supportive, and one reacted a little more strongly than Sister Bishop's Wife, but no one has disowned me over it yet.

My parents still make... uh... interesting... comments occasionally, but they are trying, and so I try to be patient with them. After all this is still new to them, and I have been dealing with it for years. It is amazing to compare where I am now, to where I was a year ago. Last year at this time I was just coming out to my first friend, but I couldn't bring myself to self-identify as gay, so I told him I was bi. And I was doing in an effort to change, as part of step 5 in the church's 12 step addiction recovery program. In my mind then I was an addict. But being able to tell one friend, and him not really caring, and being supportive, has helped lead me to where I am now. So if for nothing else, I can thank the church for encouraging me to confess to a friend, because it gave me the courage to come out.

And to my new subscribers, welcome. Thanks for following. I started this blog in the hopes that I could help people who were struggling the same way I am. And while my definition of 'help' has changed, my goal has not. It is exciting to know that people are actually reading what I write. It encourages me to keep writing, something which I find very therapeutic, as well a great replacement to journaling. It won't be as long a wait until my next post. Promise.